Afraid for more heroes to die

Hey dear readers,

This weekend I was talking to a friend of mine, about the music we both love. There’s this band called Snow Patrol. The lead singer, Gary Lightbody, has recently said in an interview that he dealt with depression and being addicted to alcohol. We both found a lot of peace in their music, especially in the lyrics that he wrote. If you read them now, you know what I mean in compare with what he has gone through.

This is the exact same way I think and feel with songs of Linkin Park. If you listen to their last album, you know it’s some sort of scream that Chester is referring to. When I listen to it, the tears will come and won’t stop that easily. Just the thought of what he was thinking while writing those songs, it’s so weird to even think about. He was maybe already planning on doing it while he wrote that, because it sounds like a goodbye album.

He committed suicide on the birthday of his best friend Chris Cornell, who committed suicide earlier that year in 2017. There are so many artists struggling with depression, addiction, health issues or pressure. I’m afraid to lose some other artists too; I mean if they say everything is going well with them at this moment, do you still believe them? Or are you also staring to doubt about that? How fare must we go in believing someone, when it can easily go entirely wrong?

When we look at Avicii, we know he was struggling. But it seemed as if when he stopped, that everything was going okay. He was being happy, he found a girlfriend and was planning on having a baby with her, next to her son she had from an early marriage. No one knew about this, no one knew he was not being happy at all. He didn’t want anyone to worry about him; he didn’t want to disappoint his fans. Something I can understand, but it hurts even more when you didn’t know anything at all and it just ends like that.

Since I’ve been thinking about this, music sounds a lot different to me. I listen more carefully to the lyrics, hoping to not hear a scream for help. I love lyrics where I can find myself into, if it’s a tool against our own battles. But knowing that they might endure the same, while they’re your hero and lifesaver, it’s just a lot harder to listen to. Not only for yourself, but because you worry about the artist too, because without him or her, you will be even more lost than you already were.

What do you think while listening to specific lyrics? Are you also afraid that artist might mean more with it than you would think?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’


Artists are slowly fading away

Hey dear readers,

For me, music is the only thing that keeps me alive. That may be hard and odd to say out loud, but it’s the truth. Only music makes me happy whenever I feel sad. It’s always there for me, and never leaves. I have many bands which I honestly own my life to. They were there for me in my hardest times, they kept me going.

As soon as a favourite artist dies, you feel lost. I’m a fan of Linkin Park, and when I heard of the death of Chester… I was devastated. It honestly took me a week to listen to their music again and accept the fact that he was gone forever. The pain of never seeing him perform for the first time, it hurts. It hurts a lot.

And then we got the message that Avicii died last Friday… And again, I was and still am devastated. I looked his documentary, and my eyes filled with tears. Why didn’t anyone cared about this health? Why did they push him? Why do we never see the pain someone has? Why does it all have to be about the money and fame?

We lost so many great artists due to fame pressure, or just the fact that they became addicted to something that would destroy their body. Look at Prince, Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain, Whitney Houston, Lil Peep and many more artists who died because of an overdose.

We really need to take more care of our artists, also the ones like Chester who’re struggling with mental illness and depression. Because of that, we also lost Chris Cornell, Kim Jonghyun and many more. We lose so many great artists lately, not only because of a natural death. And to the fans, it hurts when their hero dies.

This is a call to all the managers of the artists who are at this moment struggling with their health or mental illness. Please take care of them. Please don’t let them kill themselves. Give them the rest and breaks they need. Don’t let them slip away. Do it for their family, their friends and for us, but most importantly for their loved ones. That’s the most important.

Have you also lost a hero in a musician?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

Being kind means having a big heart

Hey dear readers,

I’m someone who has a kind heart, someone who wants to do everything for her friends and the ones she cares about. I want to listen to everyone, and I want to help them by giving advice. I want to hug everyone who’s hurt, or having a hard time. I just want to make sure that others feel like someone cares about them. Because people do care about you. It doesn’t matter who you are, there’s always someone who cares a lot about you. And in my case, it could even be me.

Lately, I talked to a good friend of mine. He has struggled with a lot of things recently. I tried to help him as goodly as I could, but of course it was hard. He had to make his decisions, I could only listen to him and be there for him. Then he sends me this:

”How is it so easy for you to be kind to people?”

So I tried to think of a right answer. Because I exactly knew why I do it, why I help everyone, why I care about everyone. It’s a short, but very clear answer. So I responded:

”Because people haven’t been kind to me all the time.”

What I mean by that is that many of you know that I’ve been bullied for a few years. It doesn’t affect me anymore, but when I was younger, being a child, it did. You’re wondering what you’ve done wrong. Actually nothing, because you know that they were just jealous of you.

I know that I’ve the most amazing friends I could ever wish for. I can talk with three of them, about everything. We’re there for each other, and it doesn’t matter when or how. I haven’t met them, I’ve met them online. But they mean a lot to me. But like a lot. More than words can ever describe. Of course I sometimes get the feeling that they only talk to me because they know that I’ll listen, and I don’t always get the chance to talk about my thoughts and struggles. But I’m happy when I made them happy.

”The prettiest smile hides the deepest secrets. The prettiest eyes have cried the most tears. And the kindest hearts have felt the most pain.”

It’s true. People who’ve been bullied, or in which way they were having problems, will eventually become so much stronger. The ones who are the kindest towards others, are most of the time usually the ones who’ve had a rough time. In my case, being bullied and a few years back, I didn’t find the friends that I have now. So those people will always try to help others, because they couldn’t get it, or no one cared. And they try to avoid that for others. Those people are the best friends you can ever wish for. So if you have them, please keep them close to you. I promise you, that they’ll mean more to you then you can ever imagine.

Are you kind to people in a way that no one has ever been to you before? As if it’s almost nature for you?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

Sharing my thoughts and feelings

Hey dear readers,

I’m so sorry for being so absent lately. I was very busy with school. I’ve vacation since a few weeks and I just totally forgot to write here. I’m truly sorry for that. But here I am, with a new update.

A lot has happened lately. First of all, a favorite band of mine, lost their amazing singer. I still can’t believe it’s true. It really hurt when I heard it. And since it happened, I listen non stop to one of their most heartbreaking, but also beautiful songs. He will truly be missed and I will never forget him.

On top of that, I recently had a discussion with some people. Look, I also want to make a photo of a day we went somewhere, just to have it as a memory. But when I ask politely to keep it for ourselves, they just don’t listen. Of course I understand that you want to share with who you are and how fun your day was, but some people don’t like photos of themselves on the internet. I just can’t explain it properly, but I hate it when people post photos of me on the internet. I just don’t like it. So I had to ask that person to cut me out of the photo because she really wanted to share it.

And there are four friends who are very sweet and kind to me, and we always talk a lot. I listen to them and I try to help them when they have problems. I’m someone who wants to try to make someone happy again when he or she is feeling sad. And with them, I share a lot too. But sometimes they just don’t seem to care when I tell something. Like, when something bad happens, like with that artist, they just say sorry and they don’t know what to say. And of course I get it that it’s difficult, but just a little message or even a call means more than you can imagine, you know what I mean?

Sometimes we just want to talk, but not with everyone. Or at least anonymous, like I do here. And we just want to share what we think, but that doesn’t mean that we’re different than in real life. No, we just want to write our thoughts down because we love to write.

Also, something nice happened. I went to an amusement park and it was the best day ever. There was this special guest and I guess you know who it is, but I won’t say it. I’m glad he was with me. I can’t wait until August, when I go to the amusement park with Mark. It’s going to be so much fun! And, I’m really making progress with my books! Plus, I’m also going to save some money for a vacation next year! And maybe for a new camera, because my old one is just kind of broken. So hopefully, I can achieve that!

How are you? Have you heard about the news? 

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

It was a tough week

Hey dear readers,

Why is this world so messed up and so cruel? They hurt one of the things that I love the most in my life. I was so hurt by hearing the news. Why there? What have they done? You know why I love that country? Because they move on and they try to keep their heads held high.

When I heard the news I immediately send a good friend of mine, who lives there, a message. I’m glad she’s okay. I was so angry that I could cry at the same time. For the first time in months I was really broken about something. And I know that there are many who can’t understand why I felt that way, but that’s just who I am, especially when it’s about that country.

And it also reminded me how much I miss Mark. He always told me that everything would be fine when something bad happened or when I felt bad. He knew how to make me smile again. I miss his voice, his laugh, his cute blue eyes and his glasses. I know I’ll see him soon, but not seeing him every day, is still really hard, especially when something like this happens.

One of my friends had a bad fight with his best friend. So I was sad that he felt devastated. I tried to make him happy but he was really heartbroken. I told him that everything would be fine, but he wasn’t sure about that. So a few hours later, he said that his best friend wanted to talk to him. And a day later, they said sorry to each other. They won’t be as close as before, but it’s a new start.

On Thursday, I called with a friend for one hour or so. Her boyfriend broke up with her and she needed a friend. So we talked and laughed. And even though she asked me and I told her, I still have the feeling that people don’t actually ask me how I’m doing. Of course she did, and he also, but my other friends don’t really seem to care about me. Maybe that sounds harsh, but everyone knows that I love that country, and they didn’t ask me how I felt about the news. I don’t know if they didn’t realise it or that they didn’t want to talk about it, I don’t know.

I really hope that it was just a horrible week and that it will be more fun next week. But on Monday I’ll have sports so maybe that’s exactly what I need right now. I mean, I bet we all have a week like this, where you feel really sad and bad. We all have those days that we don’t know what’s wrong with everyone around us. Just those days that you wish you had someone who’ll come over to you and have fun with you.

Do you also have those weeks? Or did you have one recently?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

Annoying classmates

Hey dear readers,

So Monday I finally went to the concert, and I was so terribly happy when I was there! It was amazing! I enjoyed every song, I sang every song and I danced on every song. I was so happy that I finally saw them, I can’t really describe my feelings right now, and it was too amazing so I don’t have enough words for it.

You know the guy I like, Mark? Well, I’ll see him a little bit sooner than May 6! He’ll come to another show and that one will take place at 11 April! So, I’ll see him twice in less than a month! I can’t believe it that he wants to come to a show, for me! This must mean something, right?

But there is also something else. I kind of hate my class. They’re childish, unprofessional and not serious in their study. We had a maths test today. We have to make exercises and lessons to show the teacher that we understand the several assignments. After that, we can make the test. But almost everyone in my class cheated on those lessons by sending each other the answers. My teacher found out and he wanted to punish us all, by doing the test on Wednesday. Thankfully he decided to keep it as it way, on Friday.

But today, I heard several classmates talking about ten minutes for the test. How am I supposed to make a test in ten minutes? So I quickly looked at my account and luckily for me, mine was set on one hour. He only did it for the ones who made the lesson really quick (within five minutes) and with an A. I had an A too, but I made it with my dad. I’m not a cheater, and especially not with my classmates. I don’t trust them.

So my class was very pissed at him and our mentor came by. So he made a deal with the teacher. The test will be replaced to Wednesday. Of course I’m glad, but I can’t believe that he won’t punish those who cheated. I mean, it’s their fault. As long as I don’t get punished for something I didn’t do, then I don’t care if he punishes the ones who did something wrong.

And then there’s another thing. On Tuesday, one of or teachers told us that we could leave earlier, as long as we read the paragraph and if we made the assignment. So on Thursday, no one except for me and three others, made the assignment. She was very pissed and now she won’t let us go anymore.

My classmates are really ruining it for everyone. I truly hate them; they’re so annoying and childish. This is the reason why I always sit and work alone. They don’t do their work properly and they’re not serious at all. It’s not that I can’t work together or that I’m not social, but with them… I just don’t want to work with them.

Can you understand the way I think about this? And are you classmates also like this? What do you think of their actions?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

Little bit sad

Hey dear readers,

So these last few days were some kind of rollercoaster for me. I heard that a family member needs to have surgery, and that scares me. But there was also some good news. One of my favorite bands and one of the members replied to my Tweet and liked it. Oh, and not to mention that the colleague I like, said Happy Birthday to me, that meant so much to me. He also sent me a message out of his own, telling me how his day was and if I enjoyed my vacation.

But today, it was also a rough day, just like when I heard about my family member who needs to have surgery. I would go to a concert tonight, but unfortunately, the singer of the band is sick. His voice is not well and so in order to avoid damage; they decided to postpone the concert. So it will take place within two weeks.

I know it’s just two weeks, but I’m kind of devastated. I was free today, so it was so good that the concert was today. The other Monday, I will have to go to school until five o’clock. So, that means I need to leave early, but I don’t know if they allow that for this kind of stuff. I already sent an email to my teacher and mentor, so I hope they will say that it’s okay.

I need to go to that concert and I feel so bad that it’s postponed. But, I don’t want the singer to lose his voice; I want him to be better. He’s a human too, just like you and me. I don’t want him to get even sicker, his voice is too special. So I understand it, but still I’m sad about it.

You know, I just have the feeling that I’m unlucky, you know? First all the bad news and now this too… I’ve the feeling that I don’t deserve luck or something like that. It’s just… I wish my colleague would say something more, you know. Just that I mean something to him, or something like that. And that my classmates would be nicer to me that would be great too.

But for now, I’ll have to wait for the concert.

But its okay, I can wait two more weeks. He needs to be better to perform on his best, and I want him to be better. I want to hear his beautiful voice without sickness; he needs to feel healthy before he enters the stage.

So I can live with the fact that the concert is postponed, but still I’m quite sad because I have to wait longer, and it will be a lot easier to go there, because I need permission first. You know, to leave school earlier.

Have you ever had the feeling that you’re unlucky sometimes? That you’re wondering why you can’t have luck sometime?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

Random wondering thoughts

Hello dear readers,

I get so sick of those people who can blame their mistakes on others. Those people who complain about something against you, but a little while later, they stab you with that in your back. Those people who let you feel bad about yourself, those who think they know better. They tell you want you do wrong, and they say it’s a compliment, but maybe it isn’t. Why would it be a compliment if you do the exact same thing?

Let’s just say that something happened this week, but I can’t speak it out loud. That’s why I try to circumscribe it a little bit. It’s just a feeling wherein you think that you do everything wrong. And at the same time you don’t understand it, you don’t understand what you should do wrong.

It’s easier for people to say what others do wrong, instead of themselves. They blame their mistakes on you. They say you need to change something, but they need to change it too. But how do you say that? How do you say that to the ones who can destroy so much? How do you tell them what you truly think and feel?

Sometimes I’m wondering why people do that, how come they don’t see how much they hurt people? And when you finally think someone likes you, it appears that that’s not true. In fact, you test them, and everything you thought, disappears within seconds. Your heart is broken, and you’re thinking about why you even let them break it. Why would you think that that person would like you?

I’m sorry if this seems a little bit negative or sad in some way, but I just had to write down my thoughts and feelings. That’s why I started this blog in the first place. I can’t tell everything in full detail, maybe after a month or so. It worked for me to write this down and to share my thoughts with other people.

Maybe someone understands me, maybe not. As long as I understand myself, and as long as I stay true to who I am.

Have you ever felt useless, heartbroken or devastated?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’