Having trouble with love

Hey dear readers,

Since a few weeks, I find it hard to believe that the guy that I’m in love with loves me back. For a long time, I thought that he really liked me. He had those kinds of signs, such as making eye contact, touching my shoulder sometimes. We had two amazing days, both in a different amusement park. I really enjoyed it, and I miss those days. I tried to meet up with him again, but he went on a vacation and he said that there was no time left in the holiday.

So I tried it again, to ask him to go to an amusement park again for Halloween. He said that he has lots of work to do for school, so he said that he wasn’t sure if he could go with me. So that was a new no. And last week, I asked him to join me to a comedy show in the theatre. He has to stay home to look after his dog. So again, he says no.

I know that he isn’t lying; I know that he speaks the truth. I must trust him. But it just hurts to hear no all the time, especially since he doesn’t text me that much as that I text him. He helped me with a video, so that’s very sweet of him. He wanted to make sure that it’s perfect, so he’s still working on it. It’s for an assignment at my school, so I’m very happy that he helps me with that.

Many friends tell me that he surely likes me, because I told them all the small details that he does. I do have the feeling that he likes me, but it just makes me quite sad to hear no all the time. I try so hard to meet up again, but he’s so busy. I just wish that I could see him again. I just miss him. I miss our conversations while we look at each other, and that I sometimes touch his shoulder when he touches mine. I just wish that he would try to make some time for me. It’s just all that I wish for.

I just think of all the happy moments that we’ve shared in those long days at the amusement parks, all the subjects that we’ve talked about. He gave me a hug, while I always was the one who gave it first. But that day, the last time that I saw him, he wanted to give me a hug. That must mean something, right? If he doesn’t like me, then he wouldn’t even do that. That’s what I keep telling myself. He promised me that we would talk through text, but I’m still the one who starts the conversations first. Plus, we don’t talk that much, and not for long either. I know that he’s busy with school, so am I, but I just want to have a conversation with him. I want to see him. That’s too hard to ask? Am I asking too much?

Have you experienced something like this before? Do you have advice for me?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

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Working hard, writing less

Hey dear readers,

I’m so sorry for being so inactive on here. I was busy with writing and I just forgot to write here also. I just want to give you guys a quick update. I’ve currently started my third year for my study. This will be my exam year, and that means that I’ll be very busy. That means that this blog will be just like the previous holiday, a little bit lower then I wanted it to be. I’m very busy with my regular blog, and this one too, will be too much for me.

However, I won’t delete this site. I’ve shared a lot already, and I’ll soon start with a new song that I love. But for now, you know the reason why I was so inactive here, and why I will be in the upcoming months. I was very busy with writing, because I write on different story platforms. I love writing, and I had finally time to achieve my ideas for it. During school, I was very busy with studying and stuff like that, and during my holiday, I had plenty of time. Now sadly, I need to let it go, and focus on my school.

I’ve two friends abroad. We talked a lot during this holiday, and I hope that someday, I can meet them. That would be amazing. Another friend of mine was struggling with a few issues. I was there for him, and he was there for me. We helped each other a lot, and he has become more than just a friend, he’s my best friend now.

When it comes to the boy that I’m crushing on, I’ve seen him two times this holiday. I hope that I can see him again soon. He started a new education and I would help him with some troubles that he had and he helps me, just like we did last year. Another friend of mine went on the ship for his study. He’ll go far away, and I don’t know where to. I’m kind of worried about him. Being on the sea with all the scary things that happened lately, I’m just not sure how he’s doing.

I discovered a new band, and I can’t stop listening to them! I ordered their albums and I love them! I’m so happy that I discovered them, they’re amazing. I hope that I can see them live someday, because they were here, but it was sold out already. I hope that next time; I’ll be able to see them.

So, I’m now continuing with my projects. I’ve a lot to do this year. Five projects, many exams and tests and many more stuff. It will be a hard year, and I also need to do my exam during my internship. Shortly said, I need to work hard, and that’s what I’ll do. I always work hard, and in that way, you can achieve everything that you want to achieve.

How was your holiday? In which class are you now? Or which study do you do?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

It’s been a while

Hey dear readers,

Sorry for being away for a while. I’m so busy with deadlines and tests. It’s the last few weeks of the school year, and I’ll be more active as soon as my vacation starts.

A lot has happened, mostly good stuff. I went to a concert last night and it was incredibly amazing! I enjoyed every song and every beat and I had the time of my life. This was the second time that I saw them and I was very happy. I finally bought a shirt of them and I’m wearing it since last night ^^

Since I started blogging, I met three amazing people. One of them has become my best friend and we talk almost every day. He’s amazing and he’s always there for me when others aren’t. I do the same for him. I also met another guy. He’s also very nice and we send mails to each other. We recently shared numbers and we talk a lot. I also send mails to a girl and she’s really nice. We help each other through difficulties such as love. We both are very unfamiliar with this and that’s why we understand each other so well.

I also talk a lot to my English friend. We talk about almost everything. I understand her and she understands me. She has friends who don’t really care about her. They want to be right all the time and their opinion is the only true one. Plus, they also like the boy that she likes. How awful must that be… I can’t imagine that someone likes the boy that I like. It would be a complete nightmare.

The plan for Mark and me are finally going somewhere. He told me that he has a car and I already took care of the music. However, we don’t know the exact day yet, but it will be around the beginning of August. I can’t wait to share that story with you guys 🙂

So, this is what I have for now. I know, it’s not much, but I’m very busy with school. Oh, before I forget, I also wrote an English fantasy! As soon as I’m going to publish it, I’ll let you know, so that you can buy it 🙂 Or maybe I’ll just post it on my regular blog, so that people won’t know the real me, if you know what I mean 😉

Do you have vacation already? When does your vacation start?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

An amazing Saturday night

Hey dear readers,

I’m so sorry for not uploading in a long time. I had a test week for school and many deadlines, which I had to finish. I don’t have my grades back, so I can’t tell you how I did it. It went okay, but you can never be sure. The next test week will be here soon, in less than seven weeks. It will be a lot harder than the last one, with more tests and deadlines. I can’t wait for summer break.

I went with my colleague to the comedy show last Saturday. We had a great time. First, I picked him up from the station. I gave him a hug (not a real one, just an half one) and we tried to find a parking place. After that, we walked to the theatre and we were too early. So we sat down on the stairs and we talked until the show started. We made a selfie and I was so happy that he wanted to make one, I wanted to have a real memory. During the break, we talked and he accidently touched my knee. And he laid his hand on my shoulder once. So after the show, we stayed there and we talked, until I brought him back to the station. I hugged him again (this time a real hug, a full hug) and he went home.

It was one of the best nights ever! I had so much fun and I can’t wait for August! We’re going to an amusement park with just the two of us and I truly can’t wait for that amazing day. I already bought tickets so there is no going back haha. We’ve decided to arrange a car and drive to it. We both have a driver’s license so we can switch if we want. I hope that the time will go fast this time!

I finally face timed with my best friend from England. We wanted to talk with each other and see each other and that’s the only reason why I downloaded Skype. I never wanted to, but now that we can talk, I’m happy I downloaded it. We talk for one hour and it’s so funny and amazing to talk with her. We share the same love for Nathan and we understand each other. We’re being there for each other and I hope that if I go to England someday, I truly hope that we can meet each other today.

So, this was a very positive and happy post. I’m happy that I had good news. I had an amazing weekend thanks to Mark and I can’t wait to see him in August. I hope that we’ll have an amazing day (I think we will) and of course I will tell you all about it 🙂

How are you? How was your weekend? What are you going to do in summer break?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

A lot has happened

Hey dear readers,

I’m so sorry that it took so long for me to write a new post. I had a lot going on the last few weeks and I still have. I finally found some time to talk about what was going on. So, I say, let’s start.

First, my mother had to have surgery. I was really nervous, well, we all were. I mean, it wasn’t a big surgery, and it was not dangerous, but it still is a surgery. There was nothing wrong with my mother; they just wanted to remove something to avoid damage. I’m happy that they did that. I’d rather have a completely healthy mother without harm in her body. Thank god, everything went well and she came home the next day. We were very happy that she was back. I had to do a lot of chores, which I did with love, but it was hard. It was the full Easter weekend, and I had to make homework as well. But like I said, I did it for my mother, because she needs to rest as much as possible.

Because I have a test week coming up. The tests are very hard and I’m already studying. I have six tests. Luckily for me they took one away. Actually, it didn’t really matter, you couldn’t study for that one. But still, one test less is always better 😉

I saw my colleague last week. I was extremely happy to see him again. It felt like we never left each other and I was so glad that he came for me. He stayed the whole evening, watching me, cheering for me. And after, we brought him back to the station, so we talked in the back of the car while my parents were sitting in the front. Can you imagine that I introduced him to my whole family and friends? Well, if we ever get a relation, I don’t have to do that anymore, haha.

I haven’t won the contest, and I honestly don’t care. I’m really happy that I didn’t won. I wasn’t looking forward to get more publicity and campaigns. It was enough for me. But, I made a new friend during this experience. We talked a lot, exchanged numbers and we were choking around the whole time. He’s really nice and we both wrote a book, so we had a lot in common.

To be honest, my weekends were no weekends the last few weeks. I had to make homework, I studied and last weekend, as I told you before, I had to help my mother. And in the upcoming vacation, I have to study for the test week. So, I don’t know when I can relax, haha. I try to relax as much as I can, but I have so much to do.

I can’t wait for May 6! I will see my colleague again and I’m really counting the days 🙂

How are you doing?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

I feel good

Hello dear readers,

I got some bad news on Monday that the concert was postponed, for two weeks later. I was sad and anxious that my teacher wouldn’t say: Okay, you can leave early. But luckily, I can. I have to let him sign a piece of paper for that last hour. So now, I can go with the train to be there just in time. I can’t leave too early because I can’t miss that many lessons. But for now, I miss one lesson.

Something else, I got a huge grade for my internship! I got three grades in total. I got a grade for the communication, a grade for the marketing and a grade for the report. And all three of them added together, and divide by three, I got a very good grade and I’m very proud of myself.

And I also received an amazing grade for an English presentation! It’s almost an A! He said that my English was so good; he asked me how that was even possible. He said I could become an English teacher, and that I could write a book in English as well. And that’s exactly what I’m doing.

Something else that happened and I’m still really happy about it. I asked the guy I like, to go to a comedy show with me. I should go with a family member, but she needs to have surgery around that period, and so we aren’t sure if she can go with me. So, she said that I could ask someone else. And I thought:

Well, I can take the risk. I was really nervous when I asked him and he took very long to respond, so I got more and more nervous by the minute. But eventually, he said yes! I can’t believe that he wants to go with me! It’s like a dream came true! Because imagine this, we’re sitting next to each other, very closely, for like two hours. I really can’t wait for the show!

And I’m talking in a group chat on Twitter and Instagram with fans of Nathan. I made a best friend because we support each other and we give advice. We’ve become best friends now and we hope we can meet someday in England. I really hope I can go there someday to meet Nathan and her as well.

So, this post was really happy this time. I’m glad I could tell some nice things to you guys. I can’t wait for the concert and I can’t wait for the comedy show! I’m so glad Mark said yes! (I just call him Mark now, because that’s easier by calling him ‘guy’ all the time) I really hope May comes fast ^^

How are you feeling right now?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

My internship is over

Hello dear readers,

Well, it’s official, my internship is over, finished. I’ve several feelings about that. Because, I’m happy, but also sad at the same time. It’s kinda hard, because I should be totally happy that I’ve received nice comments and a good grade, if you can call it that way. I’ve made several stuff like plans, promotion ideas and of course I was the manager for the Open Days, so I’ve done a lot.

Why I am sad? Well, remember that post I wrote about that guy I think I like? Well, he’s at my internship, and he’s my colleague. The worst part? I won’t see him again. He’s living in a different city, it’s not that far, but far enough to meet up soon. I’m glad we have each others number, but it won’t be the same. We’ve talked so much, he supported me almost every time I was busy or trying to make something perfect. We had fun, we laughed, and we shared a lot.

I’m glad about the way we said goodbye. At first he gave me a hand, but as soon as someone else hugged him, I thought: Why can’t I hug him? So I asked him if he wanted one, and he said yes. I was so happy, and it felt like the world was standing still while I hugged him. We promised to stay in touch, and I hope we can. Because I can’t miss our conversations, I just can’t.

I’m not looking forward in going back to school. To be honest, I don’t like my classmates. They’re just so different, so not the persons I want to hang out with, do you get what I mean? I like to write, to talk, to be quiet. They like to party, to be loud and to make a lot of noise. And did I mentioned that they don’t do much? They need to hear that they’re gonna fail before they start to work. I’m just going back to being quiet, being all alone. Because Mark is gone, well not gone, but he went back to his own school. I’m gonna miss his smile, his voice, our conversations.

He told me I will survive this, but I’m not so sure. But maybe I need to try, I mean I kind of promised him to stay strong. It’s the least I could do, considering everything he has done for me in those months, right? All those times that he supported me, all those times that he asked me if I was alright. All those tiny details that he has, those small things that make him special.

If I like him? Yes, yes I do. I’m not afraid to say it, because I’m not gonna lie about it. Yes, I do like him. In fact, I think I’m in love with him, and I’m gonna miss him so, so much.

Do you think that I’ll survive? Do you think that I’ll ever see him again?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

Is it friendship or more?

Hey dear readers,

I’ve something on my mind, and I just don’t know how to think of it and how to deal with it. It’s not really a big deal, well, for me it is, but it’s not a bad thing, if you know what I mean. My internship is almost done, and I’d never thought I would say this but, I’m gonna miss it. Not the work or my mentors, but my colleagues, and one in particular.

It started on a day when we had to go somewhere else, where we were part of a crew to make sure that an event went well. I was standing on the station and I only knew one guy, and he was my colleague. So he stood next to me and we started to talk. We were laughing and joking all the time and I forgot about the cold and the pain in my knee. We filled the time and we lifted a flag into the bus together. We almost broke the door and we laughed.

We’ve talked every day since that day. I’m so happy that he started to talk to me; it was like a bright day for me. I had a friend, someone who wanted to talk to me, someone who made jokes with me. We talked about things that you can’t imagine, like games, fights and other stuff that most people don’t talk about. I don’t know why, but it was really funny to be honest. He made me happy when I had a headache or when it went wrong.

There was this one day when I had a huge headache and when I was kind of angry. He told me that everything would be fine, and I smiled at him. He fell of his chair, and I laughed. Two colleagues of us were saying: Oh my gosh, he fell off his chair! So he looked at me and said: It was just for fun, right Daphne? And I said yes. And the girl said: Oh my, he’s falling for you! And I gave her a death stare while my colleague turned red.

Lately, we’ve been talking a lot, and we supported each other during those days that it wasn’t going that well. We talked a whole Monday and even after school, where he was waiting for his ride home. So we talked and talked. And right before the Open Days, he told me that everything would be okay. I told him to stop saying that, but he didn’t. I’m glad he didn’t stop. He made me laugh every time he said that. And he asked me how many days of a year I was happy. So I teased him and said like thirty percent, while he said fifty first. So he tried to lift that up to sixty, and I said forty-nine. And a little while later, I agreed with sixty, because he wouldn’t stop. And of course he went for seventy. So a little while later, something bad happened, and I said: It’s going back to sixty. And he was like: No, it can’t. And I laughed.

He looks a lot at me, like every hour he tries to make eye contact with me, I can see that. He smiles at me at those times and we start a conversation. I don’t know if it’s a signal or not, it’s kind of hard to read. I wasn’t feeling well at one day and I was outside because I needed some fresh air. And he walked by me and said: See you tomorrow. And I was kind of heartbroken that he didn’t ask me what was wrong. But a few days later, I was holding my head while working. And he asked me: Everything okay? And I said yes. I was so happy that day.

And we had to work at the Open Days last Friday and Saturday. And we did it together, so we talked a lot.

He even told me after that he was right about that everything would be okay, and I hate to say this, but he was right. But I couldn’t have done it without him. I drove him to the station on Friday because he almost missed his bus and also his train. And the station is not that far away, so I drove him there. I was glad I could help. And he also put his hand on my shoulder and he asked me if I needed to sit down after standing straight for like four hours without taking a break. He was really sweet, and I also talked to two other guys during those days, so we were the four musketeers. We had a good time with the four of us, but I enjoyed those moments when we were alone.

When everything was done, he said that I could finally catch my breath and that I did well. I haven’t thanked him enough, but he has no idea how much he helped me through those two days, so thank you ❤

And today, I said to him: If you do something for me, we’ll be friends for life. And he said: Aren’t we already friends? And we laughed and I said: We’ll be friends for life, but then double!

I can’t believe that my internship is almost over, and that I won’t see him again. I feel like we’re friends, real friends. We’ve shared so much, and honestly, I wouldn’t change it or take it back. Since that one day, everything changed, in a very good way. I hope that we can stay in touch by phone, because he’s kind of living far away. Well, not that far, but I won’t see him again that easily, especially when he’s trying to go to a school on the other side of our country. But I’ll do everything to stay in touch with him, because I don’t want to lose the friendship that we have.

Do you think he’s giving me some signals, or not? And do you also have someone who makes your day better by talking to you? By being there for you?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

It’s just too much at the moment

Hey dear readers,

I told you guys about the job that I have during my internship period. I’m the manager of the ‘Open Days’ at my school. I told you guys that my mentors said to me that my colleague hadn’t that much tasks to do, and it was my fault. And tomorrow is the first day; Saturday will be the second day. I talked to my mentor about some information sessions that the organizations in our school will give to the visitors. He had things like: I told you to send her an email, I need to know this, I need to know that.

I’m terribly sorry that I forgot, okay? I’ve so much to do. I need to search for people who wants to help us, I need to make sure that the gifts will be here on time, I need to give instructions to my colleagues, I need to make sure that the surveys will be here and the flyers as well. I’ve got so many tasks, I’m sorry I forgot, okay? I can’t do everything perfect, I can forget stuff too. And why doesn’t he go to my co-worker? I know we work together, but he can give her tasks too. He gives me a list and asks me this and then that.

It’s so busy around here and I also have two other projects and I also need to make a report. I haven’t even started writing one, because I’m so busy with these days for school and those two other projects.

It’s so irritating that he blames everything on me all the time. I try to do my best; I try to do what I can. Why can’t he see that? Because he’s stressed? Well, I am too!

We need to ask a few people to help us, so our mentor asked us to go to a class. I wanted to go there around one o’clock, but my colleague decided to go talk to a friend at the same time. So I stood there, waiting for her. She told me that I should stop stressing, and that I need to let it go. But, how? I mean, we need to make sure that everything is done, and also on time. So we walked by the office of our mentor and of course our manager walked behind us. She told me what was going on, and they talked about it and I decided to keep my mouth. I didn’t want to say anything, because I know that they think that they know everything about me.

So, a little while later, we had to enter the office and she told them that I had to do everything and everything that went wrong was my fault. So my mentor asked me if that was correct. I wanted to say yes, I really wanted to, but I said no instead. I don’t know why. The last time that I shared my feelings and thoughts, my internship told me to leave. And I don’t have the feeling that I can tell everything to my mentors.

So I said no, and I saw my colleague looking at me like, tell them, you tell me all the time. And even though I really wanted to say yes, and tell them that she was right, I said no, and that it wasn’t true. I can’t explain why, I just couldn’t say it. It’s a day before the event, and I didn’t want any trouble. Am  I weak? Or is it not so weird that I was thinking like: never mind, think what you want to think, because it doesn’t matter how I feel. Because I think that’s the truth. I’m not weak, not at all, because I have a very strong mind and I have my own sayings. It’s just, I don’t know, it didn’t came out of my mouth in that way.

It’s just so many, and everything is mixed together and I just want this to be over. I can’t wait until its Sunday and that this will be done. I’m so nervous for everything. It’s just a little bit too much right now. Don’t tell me it’s gonna be okay, because everyone is already saying that to me. I just can’t really believe that right now. I hope I can after it’s done.

Wish me luck for these two days, because I’m really gonna need it.

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

Setbacks deal with professionalism

Hey dear readers,

I’m sorry for not making a new post. I’m doing fine, well, sort of. I’m currently still working for my internship for my study. It’s a nice internship, and I’m more than happy with my colleagues. The only problem? The days that you present your school to new students. It’s called ‘Open Days’ in my country, but I’m not fully certain what they call it in England and abroad.

The problem is, the idea we had is not accepted. And they told us two weeks before the due date, before everything needs to be done. We already told it to them before the Christmas vacation (also not certain what they call it abroad, I’m not even sure if they have vacation) and my mentor told me that he was really pissed at them. So am I.

He told me that he was very happy with the idea and I was too, because in the end, they chose my idea. But unfortunately, some teachers (don’t exactly know what they’re called at my school) said that it wasn’t for business. I know that’s true, but they want it all boring, black, showing that we’re for business. And of course that’s what we want too, but just be honest, you would go to a school who’s trying to invite you, right? With some sort of colors and some food stands.

I can understand what they mean, but why couldn’t they said it a month earlier? Or perhaps weeks? We need to do everything over and we have to think of something else. It won’t be fun, it will be boring. But we don’t want to have any more problems, so we’re gonna do our best and we’re still gonna make a fun day. We will show the new students that we’re a fun school too, and I’m positive that we can achieve that.

So, even though I was pretty upset, I still stayed professional. My mentor was very proud of me. I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t sad, I stayed professional.

I told him that I couldn’t change it, so why be upset about it? Well, at home I was, but not at my internship. These things can happen any time, and I wanted to show him that I can handle it. And I’m glad I did, because know he believes I can. And he trusts me even more.

He also told me that whatever was gonna happen after this, all the work I already had done would be enough. I still have to do a lot, but he said I could just change some little things. He would remind all the things I’ve already done for my appreciation. I can live with that, and I’m happy he will remind that, otherwise everything would’ve been for nothing.

Have you had an experience like this? And were you able to be professional, or not?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

Can I become a writer?

Hello dear readers,

I want to become a writer, and I think that if you know me, you already knew. But lately, I’ve been thinking about it. Could I really become a writer? Do people really like my style of writing? Now that I’ve published one, it seems like the people who read it, think it’s kind of childish written. But to be honest, it’s a book for 14-18 years of age. And it was just the first book; the other four will have much more difficulties and recognizable things in life.

There is another reason why I’m kind of thinking about not publishing my other books. Many friends of mine and some other people have promised to buy it, but they never did. Every time they say it, I don’t believe it. Many bloggers did too. I’m begging you, please don’t promise something like that if you won’t do it. It will make people happy for nothing.

Second, someone who also published a book asked me a lot of questions about how I published mine. I was glad I could help her, and I’m really happy that she sells her book, but I wish that would happen to me too. And another person also sells so many books. He told me it wrote his book because he sends it to a competition contest on my blog. I was glad to hear that my contest made him write that book. But now that I know it sells so good, I’m kind of jealous.

Maybe I shouldn’t be jealous, but is it that bad that I am jealous? That I also want people to buy my book? Maybe I’m selfish, but it’s just how I feel. I wish I knew what the secret is. I wish I knew…

I’m sorry if you read this and you think it’s about you. I’m really happy for you that you’ve become so successful; I just wish it would happen to me too. I’m not mad at you if you think that, absolutely not. I just… I hope that what happens to you happens to me too.

That people can’t wait for the second book, buying your book after making a promise and that they give you the feeling that you’ve written something incredible.

So, without further ado, I just wish some people would keep their promise. And, of course that when (I’m not sure if and when) I publish my second book, people buy the first one and the second one. I’ve written five books, and I hope to publish them all. Even though I feel not so sure anymore, I won’t give up. I’m not a quitter, and I won’t give up that easily. I’ll purchase my dream, and I won’t let this get in my way.

Are you also jealous of something? And do you think that I’m being selfish, or can you understand my thoughts?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’