It’s just too much at the moment

Hey dear readers,

I told you guys about the job that I have during my internship period. I’m the manager of the ‘Open Days’ at my school. I told you guys that my mentors said to me that my colleague hadn’t that much tasks to do, and it was my fault. And tomorrow is the first day; Saturday will be the second day. I talked to my mentor about some information sessions that the organizations in our school will give to the visitors. He had things like: I told you to send her an email, I need to know this, I need to know that.

I’m terribly sorry that I forgot, okay? I’ve so much to do. I need to search for people who wants to help us, I need to make sure that the gifts will be here on time, I need to give instructions to my colleagues, I need to make sure that the surveys will be here and the flyers as well. I’ve got so many tasks, I’m sorry I forgot, okay? I can’t do everything perfect, I can forget stuff too. And why doesn’t he go to my co-worker? I know we work together, but he can give her tasks too. He gives me a list and asks me this and then that.

It’s so busy around here and I also have two other projects and I also need to make a report. I haven’t even started writing one, because I’m so busy with these days for school and those two other projects.

It’s so irritating that he blames everything on me all the time. I try to do my best; I try to do what I can. Why can’t he see that? Because he’s stressed? Well, I am too!

We need to ask a few people to help us, so our mentor asked us to go to a class. I wanted to go there around one o’clock, but my colleague decided to go talk to a friend at the same time. So I stood there, waiting for her. She told me that I should stop stressing, and that I need to let it go. But, how? I mean, we need to make sure that everything is done, and also on time. So we walked by the office of our mentor and of course our manager walked behind us. She told me what was going on, and they talked about it and I decided to keep my mouth. I didn’t want to say anything, because I know that they think that they know everything about me.

So, a little while later, we had to enter the office and she told them that I had to do everything and everything that went wrong was my fault. So my mentor asked me if that was correct. I wanted to say yes, I really wanted to, but I said no instead. I don’t know why. The last time that I shared my feelings and thoughts, my internship told me to leave. And I don’t have the feeling that I can tell everything to my mentors.

So I said no, and I saw my colleague looking at me like, tell them, you tell me all the time. And even though I really wanted to say yes, and tell them that she was right, I said no, and that it wasn’t true. I can’t explain why, I just couldn’t say it. It’s a day before the event, and I didn’t want any trouble. Am  I weak? Or is it not so weird that I was thinking like: never mind, think what you want to think, because it doesn’t matter how I feel. Because I think that’s the truth. I’m not weak, not at all, because I have a very strong mind and I have my own sayings. It’s just, I don’t know, it didn’t came out of my mouth in that way.

It’s just so many, and everything is mixed together and I just want this to be over. I can’t wait until its Sunday and that this will be done. I’m so nervous for everything. It’s just a little bit too much right now. Don’t tell me it’s gonna be okay, because everyone is already saying that to me. I just can’t really believe that right now. I hope I can after it’s done.

Wish me luck for these two days, because I’m really gonna need it.

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

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