A lot has happened

Hey dear readers,

I’m so sorry that it took so long for me to write a new post. I had a lot going on the last few weeks and I still have. I finally found some time to talk about what was going on. So, I say, let’s start.

First, my mother had to have surgery. I was really nervous, well, we all were. I mean, it wasn’t a big surgery, and it was not dangerous, but it still is a surgery. There was nothing wrong with my mother; they just wanted to remove something to avoid damage. I’m happy that they did that. I’d rather have a completely healthy mother without harm in her body. Thank god, everything went well and she came home the next day. We were very happy that she was back. I had to do a lot of chores, which I did with love, but it was hard. It was the full Easter weekend, and I had to make homework as well. But like I said, I did it for my mother, because she needs to rest as much as possible.

Because I have a test week coming up. The tests are very hard and I’m already studying. I have six tests. Luckily for me they took one away. Actually, it didn’t really matter, you couldn’t study for that one. But still, one test less is always better 😉

I saw my colleague last week. I was extremely happy to see him again. It felt like we never left each other and I was so glad that he came for me. He stayed the whole evening, watching me, cheering for me. And after, we brought him back to the station, so we talked in the back of the car while my parents were sitting in the front. Can you imagine that I introduced him to my whole family and friends? Well, if we ever get a relation, I don’t have to do that anymore, haha.

I haven’t won the contest, and I honestly don’t care. I’m really happy that I didn’t won. I wasn’t looking forward to get more publicity and campaigns. It was enough for me. But, I made a new friend during this experience. We talked a lot, exchanged numbers and we were choking around the whole time. He’s really nice and we both wrote a book, so we had a lot in common.

To be honest, my weekends were no weekends the last few weeks. I had to make homework, I studied and last weekend, as I told you before, I had to help my mother. And in the upcoming vacation, I have to study for the test week. So, I don’t know when I can relax, haha. I try to relax as much as I can, but I have so much to do.

I can’t wait for May 6! I will see my colleague again and I’m really counting the days 🙂

How are you doing?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

Why do we judge?

Hey dear readers,

You know, I’m always wondering why people promise things, when they won’t do it. They promise they’ll do something for you, but in the end they don’t. I’m always wondering, why do you keep saying that you’ll help me when you’re not going to do it?

And why do guys only look at the outside first? What’s wrong with the inside of a girl? You have to look further. The heart has everything and it’s the most beautiful thing a person has. You need to talk to someone and get to know that person before you can actually tell who that person is. You can’t judge on looks or handsomeness, you can say something after you hang out with someone or at least talked to that person.

But unfortunately, people judge too quickly. When they see someone who’s wearing ripped clothes, they think they’re poor. But they could’ve fallen down or fought with someone. And when someone gets a good grade and wears glasses, they obviously think that he or she is a nerd. And when someone is a little bit too enthusiastic or shy, they identify those as autisms. I mean, why? Why do we judge so quickly? Why do we think that we know everything when someone walks by? Do we really think that we’re that smart?

I’ve always dealt with these horrible, unfair judgements. Yes I wear skater clothes and yes I get good grades, but that doesn’t mean that I’m some sort of type. You don’t know me. Maybe I’m really fun too, and kind and full of helpfulness. I’m not only a tough, weird, crazy or smart girl; I’m also really kind, enthusiastic and funny when I’m surrounded with the right people. You can’t tell who I am when I walk by or when you see me standing somewhere. If you hear something, you should ask me first before you start to judge or gossip. I mean, maybe I love music and skateboarding, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not a girl. Because I am a girl and I do love guys, I’m in love with someone at the moment.

I wish I had the answer to my question. Why do people judge on looks and cloths? At work or for a job application is very normal, well, in my opinion not, but in that case I can accept it. But why do we judge when we walk in a gym, amusement park or in our own school? Why can’t we be ourselves? People always call us names and they think of something to make us shy, afraid or it changes us. It really affects some people if they can’t be who they want to be. And some people change because they don’t want to be punished or punched. This is still one of the biggest problems in a teenager’s life.

I don’t judge people, because I don’t want this to happen to me too. And I don’t do things to others when I don’t want them to do that to me. I hope you understand that sentence haha. Of course I have thoughts, but I won’t push people away or think they’re weird when they wear punk, pink or glossy clothes. I don’t care who you are or what you look like, as long as you’re nice and kind, you can be my friend.

So please stop judging people, get to know them first. Some people have stories, others don’t. And we can’t judge someone before we know the whole story. As long as we keep saying this and trying to help those, we can make a difference. But we need to work together.

So, who’s with me? Who wants to stop the judgements too?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

I’m being me my dear friend

Hey dear readers,

Two of my best friends had their birthday party last Saturday. They’re twins if you’re wondering how they celebrated it at the same time. It was a fun party, but I got into a discussion with one of my friends. As many of you know, I’m selected for a special price. I can’t tell too much right now, but they’ve already decided who the winner is. But we’ll find out in April. So, we’ve to stand on a stage, looking at one thousand people. I’m not scared, not at all. To be honest, I’ve always wanted to be on a stage in front of so many people.

But why I’m telling you guys about this? Well, of course you need to dress nicely and you need to do your make-up. I’m not really a girly girl. I don’t wear make-up and jewellery and I hate dresses and skirts. You need to do your hair and wearing heels. Well I’ve got news for them: I won’t.

I’m sorry, but they already decided who the winner is so why should I wear a dress and wear make-up? I want to wear black jeans with a white blouse, which you would wear to your work. So, it’s elegant, classy and decently. I want to wear blue or black boots and wear a little bit make-up such as eye shadow and lipstick. But I want to do this by myself, because I don’t want to paint my whole face with those stupid products, sorry for those who do, but I hate it.

So my friend and I got into a fight, well not really a fight, a discussion is a better describing. But anyway, she told me that she wanted to go shopping with me, go to the hairdresser and make sure that I look ‘gorgeous’ and ‘fabulous.’ And of course that’s really nice of her, but I don’t want that. That’s not who I am. I like wearing jeans, shirts and sneakers. I even wear beanies and caps. I love to skateboard and go boxing in a gym. I love boys who do the exact same thing, those who do the extreme sports. I like their clothing style and I’m like: why can’t girls wear that? My style is a combination of comfy, cool and sportive.

So I said to her: what’s wrong with that? And she said: well, you’re a girl. So I was like: yeah, so? Can’t girls wear sneakers or beanies? Why do girls have to dress up nicely? Who invented that? Of course I like my long hair but that doesn’t mean that I can’t wear whatever I like. I’m into guys, and I like to dress as a skater, because I fancy those boys even more. Especially those guys with the amazing abs, biceps and triceps. But also the ones who do amazing tricks and stunts. I just love their (clothing) style, so what’s wrong with that?

I know that Mark isn’t an average boy. He’s into games and movies, just like me. We talked a lot about boxing, fighting and other ‘boy’ stuff. We enjoyed our talks and we laughed every single time. I can always express myself a lot better around boys when I’m on my skateboard and wearing my sneakers and beanie. That’s why I love England too. They’re so many people who dress like me, I’ve seen it before.

That style is not only for boys dear ladies and gentlemen. And those who wear that style can still be into boys. So stop saying otherwise, because you don’t even know every person. I love guys, I love wearing beanies and sneakers and yes I skateboard and do a lot of boxing. But I’m still a girl, a girl who’s being herself. And she loves guys who’re not regular, because she’s not regular too.

What’s your opinion about this? Can girls wear beanies and sneakers or do we need to dress as a girl? And why do you think that? Is it important to you or is it normal for you?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

It was a tough week

Hey dear readers,

Why is this world so messed up and so cruel? They hurt one of the things that I love the most in my life. I was so hurt by hearing the news. Why there? What have they done? You know why I love that country? Because they move on and they try to keep their heads held high.

When I heard the news I immediately send a good friend of mine, who lives there, a message. I’m glad she’s okay. I was so angry that I could cry at the same time. For the first time in months I was really broken about something. And I know that there are many who can’t understand why I felt that way, but that’s just who I am, especially when it’s about that country.

And it also reminded me how much I miss Mark. He always told me that everything would be fine when something bad happened or when I felt bad. He knew how to make me smile again. I miss his voice, his laugh, his cute blue eyes and his glasses. I know I’ll see him soon, but not seeing him every day, is still really hard, especially when something like this happens.

One of my friends had a bad fight with his best friend. So I was sad that he felt devastated. I tried to make him happy but he was really heartbroken. I told him that everything would be fine, but he wasn’t sure about that. So a few hours later, he said that his best friend wanted to talk to him. And a day later, they said sorry to each other. They won’t be as close as before, but it’s a new start.

On Thursday, I called with a friend for one hour or so. Her boyfriend broke up with her and she needed a friend. So we talked and laughed. And even though she asked me and I told her, I still have the feeling that people don’t actually ask me how I’m doing. Of course she did, and he also, but my other friends don’t really seem to care about me. Maybe that sounds harsh, but everyone knows that I love that country, and they didn’t ask me how I felt about the news. I don’t know if they didn’t realise it or that they didn’t want to talk about it, I don’t know.

I really hope that it was just a horrible week and that it will be more fun next week. But on Monday I’ll have sports so maybe that’s exactly what I need right now. I mean, I bet we all have a week like this, where you feel really sad and bad. We all have those days that we don’t know what’s wrong with everyone around us. Just those days that you wish you had someone who’ll come over to you and have fun with you.

Do you also have those weeks? Or did you have one recently?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

Songs I love | Fucking Perfect

Hey dear readers,

It’s time for a new song that I truly love. Last time I showed you guys the song Crazy performed by the band Simple Plan. This time, it’s the not clean version of Fucking Perfect performed by Pink. There is a possibility that many will understand why this song can mean so much to a person. I think that they’re many people who can share the same feelings as me when they listen to this song.

I got bullied a lot when I was younger. Before I met the band Simple Plan, I wasn’t really into music. That sounds weird, right? But there was a day when I felt terrible after my classmates bullied me and called me names. A few days later, Pink’s song Fucking Perfect came out. It was like a world opened up for me, and I could find myself in the song. This song also reminds me that there a so many people who are still being bullied every day. I wish I could stop it, I wish I could help them. Pink thought the exact same thing and she wrote this song. The strong lyrics are so much more than only words. They describe how it should be, and that you should be happy with who you are.

Made a wrong turn
Once or twice
Dug my way out
Blood and fire
Bad decisions
That’s alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss ”know it it’s all good”
It didn’t slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing
Underestimated, look I’m still around

I think that this describes perfectly how someone feels. You think you did something wrong and maybe more than just once. That your life is silly because you made the wrong decisions thanks to the bullying.  For example punching someone, but remember, this is just an example. You’re feeling useless, you feel like you’re a no one. Even though they say things to you, you’re still there. You’re trying to stay strong.

Pretty pretty please don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less then, fucking perfect
Pretty pretty please if you ever ever feel
Like you’re nothing you’re fucking perfect, to me

You should always be happy with who you are. You’re perfect just the way you are. Don’t listen to other people; they just want to change you for their own good. And always remember, you are perfect for your friends, family and boyfriend. There are enough people who love you for who you are.

You’re so mean (you’re so mean)
When you talk (when you talk) about yourself
You were wrong, change the voices (change the voices)
In your head (in your head)
Makes them like you instead

This is what you think inside your head. They say things that aren’t true, but you start to believe it. Don’t listen to them; don’t listen to those voices in your head. Change them and make sure that you like yourself. It doesn’t matter if they don’t like you, as long as you like yourself.

So complicated
Look how we all make it
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game
It’s enough, I’ve done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons
I see you do the same

It’s complicated and weird why we fill the world with hate. It’s stupid, not necessary and it’s hurting so many people. It’s destroying lives and it’s just enough. People think they’re nothing because people let them think so. You chase down all the bad things, but those are mainly your good things, always remember that.

Now comes the refrain

The whole world scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in lying and we try try try
But we try too hard, and it’s a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cuz they’re everywhere
They don’t like my jeans, they don’t get my hair
We strains ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that?
Why do I do that?
Why do I do that?

You want to help the whole world, but unfortunately you can’t. Most people are lying to their loved ones because they don’t want to hurt them. But someday, you stop worrying about those people, because they will always be there. They will always hurt you, even when you’re older. So stop worrying about it and start to live your life. You only have one, so make sure that you stay strong to help others.

Now comes the refrain and several sentences of it sliced in two parts. You’re perfect is the head line in between the refrains.

I guess the song has a clear message. I’ll place the link to the song under this post so that you can listen to it as well. It’s a wonderful song for those who feel bad sometimes. Or for those who just want to hear that they’re perfect. The instruments are very cool and they give more power to the song. Pink’s voice is amazing in this song and you can truly hear that she expresses her feelings during singing.

What’s your opinion about this? Do you think that this song can help people? Or was this song a helpful piece during your youth and teenage life?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

Annoying classmates

Hey dear readers,

So Monday I finally went to the concert, and I was so terribly happy when I was there! It was amazing! I enjoyed every song, I sang every song and I danced on every song. I was so happy that I finally saw them, I can’t really describe my feelings right now, and it was too amazing so I don’t have enough words for it.

You know the guy I like, Mark? Well, I’ll see him a little bit sooner than May 6! He’ll come to another show and that one will take place at 11 April! So, I’ll see him twice in less than a month! I can’t believe it that he wants to come to a show, for me! This must mean something, right?

But there is also something else. I kind of hate my class. They’re childish, unprofessional and not serious in their study. We had a maths test today. We have to make exercises and lessons to show the teacher that we understand the several assignments. After that, we can make the test. But almost everyone in my class cheated on those lessons by sending each other the answers. My teacher found out and he wanted to punish us all, by doing the test on Wednesday. Thankfully he decided to keep it as it way, on Friday.

But today, I heard several classmates talking about ten minutes for the test. How am I supposed to make a test in ten minutes? So I quickly looked at my account and luckily for me, mine was set on one hour. He only did it for the ones who made the lesson really quick (within five minutes) and with an A. I had an A too, but I made it with my dad. I’m not a cheater, and especially not with my classmates. I don’t trust them.

So my class was very pissed at him and our mentor came by. So he made a deal with the teacher. The test will be replaced to Wednesday. Of course I’m glad, but I can’t believe that he won’t punish those who cheated. I mean, it’s their fault. As long as I don’t get punished for something I didn’t do, then I don’t care if he punishes the ones who did something wrong.

And then there’s another thing. On Tuesday, one of or teachers told us that we could leave earlier, as long as we read the paragraph and if we made the assignment. So on Thursday, no one except for me and three others, made the assignment. She was very pissed and now she won’t let us go anymore.

My classmates are really ruining it for everyone. I truly hate them; they’re so annoying and childish. This is the reason why I always sit and work alone. They don’t do their work properly and they’re not serious at all. It’s not that I can’t work together or that I’m not social, but with them… I just don’t want to work with them.

Can you understand the way I think about this? And are you classmates also like this? What do you think of their actions?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

Songs I love | Crazy

Hey dear readers,

As you all may know, my (second) blog is called Feelings With Music. I can understand the question mark around the Music part. I was only telling about my personal feelings and not about music at all. But, I want to change that.

I want to describe my favorite songs, with the lyrics. I want to tell you guys why that song means so much to me and what the words do to me when I hear them. There are a few bands that have more than one song that I like, so sorry if you read two songs of one band in two weeks. I just choose my favorite songs that compare with my feelings on that day.

So, today, I want to talk about the song Crazy. The band Simple Plan made this song and as many of you know, I truly love this band. This song could be hard for some people, a little bit too harsh or negative. But, I’m gonna try to explain why I love this song, and when I listen to it.

Well, I listen to this song when I’m mad or when something happened that I didn’t like. I listened a lot to this song during my internship. I wasn’t always happy with the way I was treated and how they talked to me. So, thanks to my colleague and that song, I managed to survive and stay strong.  But this song also reminds me that the world is changing so quickly and that people always try to become a better version of them, because the world wants them to change. And that’s why I love this song. Pierre describes the question marks he has by those problems, and the strong lyrics are so much more than only words. They describe the whole situation.

Tell me what’s wrong with society
When everywhere I look, I see
Young girls dying to be on TV
They won’t stop till they’ve reached their dreams

Diet pills, surgery
Photo shopped pictures in magazines
Telling them how they should be
It doesn’t make sense to me

This describes exactly how I think about all those perfect things that people want. Why do girls need to be pretty, thin or famous? Why can’t a normal girl who’s not as thin as a model, but who has a heart full of joy and love, live like she wants? We destroy their trust in them and we develop the insecurity.

Is everybody going crazy?
Is anybody gonna save me?
Can anybody tell me what’s going on?
Tell me what’s going on?
If you open your eyes
You’ll see that something is wrong

I wonder every day, why is everyone so crazy? Why can’t people open their eyes when they need to? When they don’t see what’s going on with someone? When the world is so devastated and hurt, that something bad happens before they try to fix it? Is everybody going crazy?

I guess things are not how they used to be
There are no more normal families
Parents act like enemies
Making kids feel like its World War III

No one cares, no one’s there
I guess we’re all just too damn busy
And money’s our first priority.
It doesn’t make sense to me

Sadly, more and more people divorce when they have kids. They fight a lot and they give their children the feeling that it’s their fault. And when they got a divorce, one of them or even both, are always busy and trying to earn money. Not for the family, but for shopping and living rich. Why is that the most important thing in our lives? Isn’t love the most wonderful thing? And being there for your family? Being together?

Now comes the refrain one more time and two times the sentence: Is everybody going crazy?

Tell me what’s wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see
Rich guys driving big SUVs
While kids are starving in the streets

No one cares
No one likes to share
I guess life’s unfair

The rich people are always driving big cars and they can afford everything they want. But when do they look at the poor starving kids and women? It seems like no one cares, because their money is way too important to give to someone who’s poor. Why is life so unfair? That’s a very good question. Why is the world broken? Why don’t we try to fix it instead of destroying it any further?

Now the refrain comes two more times before the song ends.

Well, I guess the song has a clear message. I’ll place the link to the song under this post so that you can listen to it as well. Because the guitar solos are there to create life in the song. You’ll feel the true message of this song by listening to the instruments and of course Pierre’s voice.

What is your opinion about this? Do you agree that girls need to be perfect and that the rich people don’t share their money with the poor people?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

I feel good

Hello dear readers,

I got some bad news on Monday that the concert was postponed, for two weeks later. I was sad and anxious that my teacher wouldn’t say: Okay, you can leave early. But luckily, I can. I have to let him sign a piece of paper for that last hour. So now, I can go with the train to be there just in time. I can’t leave too early because I can’t miss that many lessons. But for now, I miss one lesson.

Something else, I got a huge grade for my internship! I got three grades in total. I got a grade for the communication, a grade for the marketing and a grade for the report. And all three of them added together, and divide by three, I got a very good grade and I’m very proud of myself.

And I also received an amazing grade for an English presentation! It’s almost an A! He said that my English was so good; he asked me how that was even possible. He said I could become an English teacher, and that I could write a book in English as well. And that’s exactly what I’m doing.

Something else that happened and I’m still really happy about it. I asked the guy I like, to go to a comedy show with me. I should go with a family member, but she needs to have surgery around that period, and so we aren’t sure if she can go with me. So, she said that I could ask someone else. And I thought:

Well, I can take the risk. I was really nervous when I asked him and he took very long to respond, so I got more and more nervous by the minute. But eventually, he said yes! I can’t believe that he wants to go with me! It’s like a dream came true! Because imagine this, we’re sitting next to each other, very closely, for like two hours. I really can’t wait for the show!

And I’m talking in a group chat on Twitter and Instagram with fans of Nathan. I made a best friend because we support each other and we give advice. We’ve become best friends now and we hope we can meet someday in England. I really hope I can go there someday to meet Nathan and her as well.

So, this post was really happy this time. I’m glad I could tell some nice things to you guys. I can’t wait for the concert and I can’t wait for the comedy show! I’m so glad Mark said yes! (I just call him Mark now, because that’s easier by calling him ‘guy’ all the time) I really hope May comes fast ^^

How are you feeling right now?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

Little bit sad

Hey dear readers,

So these last few days were some kind of rollercoaster for me. I heard that a family member needs to have surgery, and that scares me. But there was also some good news. One of my favorite bands and one of the members replied to my Tweet and liked it. Oh, and not to mention that the colleague I like, said Happy Birthday to me, that meant so much to me. He also sent me a message out of his own, telling me how his day was and if I enjoyed my vacation.

But today, it was also a rough day, just like when I heard about my family member who needs to have surgery. I would go to a concert tonight, but unfortunately, the singer of the band is sick. His voice is not well and so in order to avoid damage; they decided to postpone the concert. So it will take place within two weeks.

I know it’s just two weeks, but I’m kind of devastated. I was free today, so it was so good that the concert was today. The other Monday, I will have to go to school until five o’clock. So, that means I need to leave early, but I don’t know if they allow that for this kind of stuff. I already sent an email to my teacher and mentor, so I hope they will say that it’s okay.

I need to go to that concert and I feel so bad that it’s postponed. But, I don’t want the singer to lose his voice; I want him to be better. He’s a human too, just like you and me. I don’t want him to get even sicker, his voice is too special. So I understand it, but still I’m sad about it.

You know, I just have the feeling that I’m unlucky, you know? First all the bad news and now this too… I’ve the feeling that I don’t deserve luck or something like that. It’s just… I wish my colleague would say something more, you know. Just that I mean something to him, or something like that. And that my classmates would be nicer to me that would be great too.

But for now, I’ll have to wait for the concert.

But its okay, I can wait two more weeks. He needs to be better to perform on his best, and I want him to be better. I want to hear his beautiful voice without sickness; he needs to feel healthy before he enters the stage.

So I can live with the fact that the concert is postponed, but still I’m quite sad because I have to wait longer, and it will be a lot easier to go there, because I need permission first. You know, to leave school earlier.

Have you ever had the feeling that you’re unlucky sometimes? That you’re wondering why you can’t have luck sometime?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

My internship is over

Hello dear readers,

Well, it’s official, my internship is over, finished. I’ve several feelings about that. Because, I’m happy, but also sad at the same time. It’s kinda hard, because I should be totally happy that I’ve received nice comments and a good grade, if you can call it that way. I’ve made several stuff like plans, promotion ideas and of course I was the manager for the Open Days, so I’ve done a lot.

Why I am sad? Well, remember that post I wrote about that guy I think I like? Well, he’s at my internship, and he’s my colleague. The worst part? I won’t see him again. He’s living in a different city, it’s not that far, but far enough to meet up soon. I’m glad we have each others number, but it won’t be the same. We’ve talked so much, he supported me almost every time I was busy or trying to make something perfect. We had fun, we laughed, and we shared a lot.

I’m glad about the way we said goodbye. At first he gave me a hand, but as soon as someone else hugged him, I thought: Why can’t I hug him? So I asked him if he wanted one, and he said yes. I was so happy, and it felt like the world was standing still while I hugged him. We promised to stay in touch, and I hope we can. Because I can’t miss our conversations, I just can’t.

I’m not looking forward in going back to school. To be honest, I don’t like my classmates. They’re just so different, so not the persons I want to hang out with, do you get what I mean? I like to write, to talk, to be quiet. They like to party, to be loud and to make a lot of noise. And did I mentioned that they don’t do much? They need to hear that they’re gonna fail before they start to work. I’m just going back to being quiet, being all alone. Because Mark is gone, well not gone, but he went back to his own school. I’m gonna miss his smile, his voice, our conversations.

He told me I will survive this, but I’m not so sure. But maybe I need to try, I mean I kind of promised him to stay strong. It’s the least I could do, considering everything he has done for me in those months, right? All those times that he supported me, all those times that he asked me if I was alright. All those tiny details that he has, those small things that make him special.

If I like him? Yes, yes I do. I’m not afraid to say it, because I’m not gonna lie about it. Yes, I do like him. In fact, I think I’m in love with him, and I’m gonna miss him so, so much.

Do you think that I’ll survive? Do you think that I’ll ever see him again?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

Is it friendship or more?

Hey dear readers,

I’ve something on my mind, and I just don’t know how to think of it and how to deal with it. It’s not really a big deal, well, for me it is, but it’s not a bad thing, if you know what I mean. My internship is almost done, and I’d never thought I would say this but, I’m gonna miss it. Not the work or my mentors, but my colleagues, and one in particular.

It started on a day when we had to go somewhere else, where we were part of a crew to make sure that an event went well. I was standing on the station and I only knew one guy, and he was my colleague. So he stood next to me and we started to talk. We were laughing and joking all the time and I forgot about the cold and the pain in my knee. We filled the time and we lifted a flag into the bus together. We almost broke the door and we laughed.

We’ve talked every day since that day. I’m so happy that he started to talk to me; it was like a bright day for me. I had a friend, someone who wanted to talk to me, someone who made jokes with me. We talked about things that you can’t imagine, like games, fights and other stuff that most people don’t talk about. I don’t know why, but it was really funny to be honest. He made me happy when I had a headache or when it went wrong.

There was this one day when I had a huge headache and when I was kind of angry. He told me that everything would be fine, and I smiled at him. He fell of his chair, and I laughed. Two colleagues of us were saying: Oh my gosh, he fell off his chair! So he looked at me and said: It was just for fun, right Daphne? And I said yes. And the girl said: Oh my, he’s falling for you! And I gave her a death stare while my colleague turned red.

Lately, we’ve been talking a lot, and we supported each other during those days that it wasn’t going that well. We talked a whole Monday and even after school, where he was waiting for his ride home. So we talked and talked. And right before the Open Days, he told me that everything would be okay. I told him to stop saying that, but he didn’t. I’m glad he didn’t stop. He made me laugh every time he said that. And he asked me how many days of a year I was happy. So I teased him and said like thirty percent, while he said fifty first. So he tried to lift that up to sixty, and I said forty-nine. And a little while later, I agreed with sixty, because he wouldn’t stop. And of course he went for seventy. So a little while later, something bad happened, and I said: It’s going back to sixty. And he was like: No, it can’t. And I laughed.

He looks a lot at me, like every hour he tries to make eye contact with me, I can see that. He smiles at me at those times and we start a conversation. I don’t know if it’s a signal or not, it’s kind of hard to read. I wasn’t feeling well at one day and I was outside because I needed some fresh air. And he walked by me and said: See you tomorrow. And I was kind of heartbroken that he didn’t ask me what was wrong. But a few days later, I was holding my head while working. And he asked me: Everything okay? And I said yes. I was so happy that day.

And we had to work at the Open Days last Friday and Saturday. And we did it together, so we talked a lot.

He even told me after that he was right about that everything would be okay, and I hate to say this, but he was right. But I couldn’t have done it without him. I drove him to the station on Friday because he almost missed his bus and also his train. And the station is not that far away, so I drove him there. I was glad I could help. And he also put his hand on my shoulder and he asked me if I needed to sit down after standing straight for like four hours without taking a break. He was really sweet, and I also talked to two other guys during those days, so we were the four musketeers. We had a good time with the four of us, but I enjoyed those moments when we were alone.

When everything was done, he said that I could finally catch my breath and that I did well. I haven’t thanked him enough, but he has no idea how much he helped me through those two days, so thank you ❤

And today, I said to him: If you do something for me, we’ll be friends for life. And he said: Aren’t we already friends? And we laughed and I said: We’ll be friends for life, but then double!

I can’t believe that my internship is almost over, and that I won’t see him again. I feel like we’re friends, real friends. We’ve shared so much, and honestly, I wouldn’t change it or take it back. Since that one day, everything changed, in a very good way. I hope that we can stay in touch by phone, because he’s kind of living far away. Well, not that far, but I won’t see him again that easily, especially when he’s trying to go to a school on the other side of our country. But I’ll do everything to stay in touch with him, because I don’t want to lose the friendship that we have.

Do you think he’s giving me some signals, or not? And do you also have someone who makes your day better by talking to you? By being there for you?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

It’s just too much at the moment

Hey dear readers,

I told you guys about the job that I have during my internship period. I’m the manager of the ‘Open Days’ at my school. I told you guys that my mentors said to me that my colleague hadn’t that much tasks to do, and it was my fault. And tomorrow is the first day; Saturday will be the second day. I talked to my mentor about some information sessions that the organizations in our school will give to the visitors. He had things like: I told you to send her an email, I need to know this, I need to know that.

I’m terribly sorry that I forgot, okay? I’ve so much to do. I need to search for people who wants to help us, I need to make sure that the gifts will be here on time, I need to give instructions to my colleagues, I need to make sure that the surveys will be here and the flyers as well. I’ve got so many tasks, I’m sorry I forgot, okay? I can’t do everything perfect, I can forget stuff too. And why doesn’t he go to my co-worker? I know we work together, but he can give her tasks too. He gives me a list and asks me this and then that.

It’s so busy around here and I also have two other projects and I also need to make a report. I haven’t even started writing one, because I’m so busy with these days for school and those two other projects.

It’s so irritating that he blames everything on me all the time. I try to do my best; I try to do what I can. Why can’t he see that? Because he’s stressed? Well, I am too!

We need to ask a few people to help us, so our mentor asked us to go to a class. I wanted to go there around one o’clock, but my colleague decided to go talk to a friend at the same time. So I stood there, waiting for her. She told me that I should stop stressing, and that I need to let it go. But, how? I mean, we need to make sure that everything is done, and also on time. So we walked by the office of our mentor and of course our manager walked behind us. She told me what was going on, and they talked about it and I decided to keep my mouth. I didn’t want to say anything, because I know that they think that they know everything about me.

So, a little while later, we had to enter the office and she told them that I had to do everything and everything that went wrong was my fault. So my mentor asked me if that was correct. I wanted to say yes, I really wanted to, but I said no instead. I don’t know why. The last time that I shared my feelings and thoughts, my internship told me to leave. And I don’t have the feeling that I can tell everything to my mentors.

So I said no, and I saw my colleague looking at me like, tell them, you tell me all the time. And even though I really wanted to say yes, and tell them that she was right, I said no, and that it wasn’t true. I can’t explain why, I just couldn’t say it. It’s a day before the event, and I didn’t want any trouble. Am  I weak? Or is it not so weird that I was thinking like: never mind, think what you want to think, because it doesn’t matter how I feel. Because I think that’s the truth. I’m not weak, not at all, because I have a very strong mind and I have my own sayings. It’s just, I don’t know, it didn’t came out of my mouth in that way.

It’s just so many, and everything is mixed together and I just want this to be over. I can’t wait until its Sunday and that this will be done. I’m so nervous for everything. It’s just a little bit too much right now. Don’t tell me it’s gonna be okay, because everyone is already saying that to me. I just can’t really believe that right now. I hope I can after it’s done.

Wish me luck for these two days, because I’m really gonna need it.

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

Random wondering thoughts

Hello dear readers,

I get so sick of those people who can blame their mistakes on others. Those people who complain about something against you, but a little while later, they stab you with that in your back. Those people who let you feel bad about yourself, those who think they know better. They tell you want you do wrong, and they say it’s a compliment, but maybe it isn’t. Why would it be a compliment if you do the exact same thing?

Let’s just say that something happened this week, but I can’t speak it out loud. That’s why I try to circumscribe it a little bit. It’s just a feeling wherein you think that you do everything wrong. And at the same time you don’t understand it, you don’t understand what you should do wrong.

It’s easier for people to say what others do wrong, instead of themselves. They blame their mistakes on you. They say you need to change something, but they need to change it too. But how do you say that? How do you say that to the ones who can destroy so much? How do you tell them what you truly think and feel?

Sometimes I’m wondering why people do that, how come they don’t see how much they hurt people? And when you finally think someone likes you, it appears that that’s not true. In fact, you test them, and everything you thought, disappears within seconds. Your heart is broken, and you’re thinking about why you even let them break it. Why would you think that that person would like you?

I’m sorry if this seems a little bit negative or sad in some way, but I just had to write down my thoughts and feelings. That’s why I started this blog in the first place. I can’t tell everything in full detail, maybe after a month or so. It worked for me to write this down and to share my thoughts with other people.

Maybe someone understands me, maybe not. As long as I understand myself, and as long as I stay true to who I am.

Have you ever felt useless, heartbroken or devastated?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

Setbacks deal with professionalism

Hey dear readers,

I’m sorry for not making a new post. I’m doing fine, well, sort of. I’m currently still working for my internship for my study. It’s a nice internship, and I’m more than happy with my colleagues. The only problem? The days that you present your school to new students. It’s called ‘Open Days’ in my country, but I’m not fully certain what they call it in England and abroad.

The problem is, the idea we had is not accepted. And they told us two weeks before the due date, before everything needs to be done. We already told it to them before the Christmas vacation (also not certain what they call it abroad, I’m not even sure if they have vacation) and my mentor told me that he was really pissed at them. So am I.

He told me that he was very happy with the idea and I was too, because in the end, they chose my idea. But unfortunately, some teachers (don’t exactly know what they’re called at my school) said that it wasn’t for business. I know that’s true, but they want it all boring, black, showing that we’re for business. And of course that’s what we want too, but just be honest, you would go to a school who’s trying to invite you, right? With some sort of colors and some food stands.

I can understand what they mean, but why couldn’t they said it a month earlier? Or perhaps weeks? We need to do everything over and we have to think of something else. It won’t be fun, it will be boring. But we don’t want to have any more problems, so we’re gonna do our best and we’re still gonna make a fun day. We will show the new students that we’re a fun school too, and I’m positive that we can achieve that.

So, even though I was pretty upset, I still stayed professional. My mentor was very proud of me. I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t sad, I stayed professional.

I told him that I couldn’t change it, so why be upset about it? Well, at home I was, but not at my internship. These things can happen any time, and I wanted to show him that I can handle it. And I’m glad I did, because know he believes I can. And he trusts me even more.

He also told me that whatever was gonna happen after this, all the work I already had done would be enough. I still have to do a lot, but he said I could just change some little things. He would remind all the things I’ve already done for my appreciation. I can live with that, and I’m happy he will remind that, otherwise everything would’ve been for nothing.

Have you had an experience like this? And were you able to be professional, or not?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’

Can I become a writer?

Hello dear readers,

I want to become a writer, and I think that if you know me, you already knew. But lately, I’ve been thinking about it. Could I really become a writer? Do people really like my style of writing? Now that I’ve published one, it seems like the people who read it, think it’s kind of childish written. But to be honest, it’s a book for 14-18 years of age. And it was just the first book; the other four will have much more difficulties and recognizable things in life.

There is another reason why I’m kind of thinking about not publishing my other books. Many friends of mine and some other people have promised to buy it, but they never did. Every time they say it, I don’t believe it. Many bloggers did too. I’m begging you, please don’t promise something like that if you won’t do it. It will make people happy for nothing.

Second, someone who also published a book asked me a lot of questions about how I published mine. I was glad I could help her, and I’m really happy that she sells her book, but I wish that would happen to me too. And another person also sells so many books. He told me it wrote his book because he sends it to a competition contest on my blog. I was glad to hear that my contest made him write that book. But now that I know it sells so good, I’m kind of jealous.

Maybe I shouldn’t be jealous, but is it that bad that I am jealous? That I also want people to buy my book? Maybe I’m selfish, but it’s just how I feel. I wish I knew what the secret is. I wish I knew…

I’m sorry if you read this and you think it’s about you. I’m really happy for you that you’ve become so successful; I just wish it would happen to me too. I’m not mad at you if you think that, absolutely not. I just… I hope that what happens to you happens to me too.

That people can’t wait for the second book, buying your book after making a promise and that they give you the feeling that you’ve written something incredible.

So, without further ado, I just wish some people would keep their promise. And, of course that when (I’m not sure if and when) I publish my second book, people buy the first one and the second one. I’ve written five books, and I hope to publish them all. Even though I feel not so sure anymore, I won’t give up. I’m not a quitter, and I won’t give up that easily. I’ll purchase my dream, and I won’t let this get in my way.

Are you also jealous of something? And do you think that I’m being selfish, or can you understand my thoughts?

Lots of love, ‘Daphne’